Guilty of Love
by CatMuto
Summary: A row of One Shots, mainelement being Shihloyd. Sheena x Lloyd. Some of the chapters might be juicier than the others, but I do my best to keep it in a T-Rating.
1. Guilty of Love

**Cat: **Yes, it's me. Again. With a new Story.  
This is just a One Shot that I suddenly thought of doing while listening to Shanadoo's "Guilty of Love".  
Yeah, that's how I got to the title.  
Take a load of that, bitch!  
Muhahahahaha!  
Timeline .. two years after Shihna and Lloyd go for the Exsphere search.

* * *

_**Guilty of Love**_

Amazed, the two stared at the city.

The young man from the couple had darkbrown hair that had been kept short in the front, the back was tied  
into a ponytail that reached his shoulderblades  
and wore a red jacket that he kept open,  
a white shirt visible underneath it and long black pants, topped off with black shoes.

The woman had long black hair that she kept in a slightly spikey ponytail, the edges curling a bit, wearing  
a scarlet, oriental looking shirt embroidered with dragons  
that wrapped around her front, tied with a darkred bow. Her leggings were black and  
her boots about ankle height.

"In just two years .." the man said, his mouth hanging slightly open and turned his head around.

"Amazing .."

They slowly walked through the city.  
Just two years ago, this city, Luin, had been destroyed and now it was built up like it was beforehand.  
It was even further advanced.  
Instead of the dirt trodden paths were now smooth stones and the houses were stabilized more than before  
with stones as well, so nothing could destroy them so fast.  
Someone saw them from afar and lifted his hand to wave.

"Lloyd, Shihna!" he called and went towards them.

He was a pale man with long lightbrown hair, wearing leather pants and a blue vest over a white longsleeved, shirt.  
There was a slight trace of a beard around his chin.

"Pietro." Lloyd said, recognizing him in an instant. "What .. what happened? It's .. completely rebuilt."

"Ah, yes, a Mr Bryan from the Lezareno Company sent several workers and fundings to build this city up." Pietro answered him.

Shihna and Lloyd looked at each other and smirked.  
Regal Bryan was a friend of theirs, who had accompanied them along in their big group, to save the two worlds that used  
to fight over the little rest of Mana that was there.

"It's fascinating." Lloyd said. "Luin seems much brighter and livelier than it did two years ago. Even before it got destroyed it never  
seemed to be so filled with people."

"Ah, once the word got around that the Lezareno Company was building up several destroyed cities - among them Luin,  
people started to swarm in, all wanting to help."

The talk continued a bit longer, slowly turning into smalltalk, until Pietro had to take care of something for the Mayor of Luin  
and Shihna and Lloyd decided to look around some more.  
Both had a strong emotional tie to this city.  
This city was where Lloyd's mother had been born and where Shihna had joined their, at that time, smaller group  
to defeat the Desians, who had been torturing humans in their ranches.

"Oh my .." Lloyd gasped, looking at the statue over the fountain.

The statue showed three people, two of them being the ones just now looking at it, the other showing a woman  
in her twenties with short hair, wearing a cloak and wielding a staff.  
Raine Sage, who was an excellent healer and, according to the inscription underneath the statue, she was the  
greatest healer all over Sylvarant.

"I can't believe it .." Shihna agreed, putting a hand to her mouth, her cheeks flushing.

Lloyd was busy finishing the inscriptions, a definite pink in his own cheeks.  
"I .. I am not a Hero." he finally said, muttering slightly.

"Of course you are." Shihna protested and smiled. "You fought for Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, never giving up until you succeeded."

Lloyd looked embarrassed and scratched his cheek slightly.

* * *

After they finished gazing at the city that had been rebuilt so fast, they continued onwards to the Haima Mines, where they asked for  
access.  
For two years, they had been travelling the whole united world to trace every Exsphere and to destroy them.  
Exspheres were gems that got put onto the skin to enhance ones skills and senses.  
But they were dangerous, if no keycrest was put onto or around it.  
It nourished itself off of the host until the Mana in the body was barely able to live and the host turned into a monster,  
thirsting for blood.

The Haima Mines were almost empty except for some ore that could still be forged and very few Exspheres.  
Lloyd and Shihna collected them and put them into a special Wingpack, which was already holding over one thousand Exspheres.  
Their duty done, they left the Mines again and noticed upon getting out, that the Haima Mines were deeper and bigger than they  
had thought, the sun already starting to set.  
They quickly borded their Rearbirds and flew towards the north.  
The snowy continent of Flanoir was located there.

It was hard to land close to Flanoir.  
A snowstorm seemed to approach, the flakes were getting more and more by the minute and started to turn hard.  
The Rearbirds quickly put into the Wingpacks, they approached the small, quiet city of Flanoir.  
The ground was constantly frozen and covered with snow as well as the houses, giving the city an image as if  
powdered sugar had been sprinkled upon it.  
Into the Inn as fast as they could and a room for two people was booked for the night.  
It was to be extended, if they were snowed in from the storm.

Shihna

The snow seemed to drift slower now, so I thought it safe to open the window to get some fresh, cold air inside.  
The manager of the Inn had turned the heaters on very high and it was almost positively stifling when we entered the room.  
Lloyd didn't seem to mind much, but he didn't protest my opening the window.  
But that could be because he was so busy, he didn't realize anything going on.  
He was sitting at the square table, checking old papers,  
where we had written down how many Exspheres we had gotten from where.  
I put my legs up onto the cushioned bench underneath the window and rest my hand on my arm on the windowsill.  
Looking outside, the white tops of the houses look like sugarcones on a darkblue platter.  
You usually can't see any stars from Flanoir's sky and it was the same just now.  
It was too bad, the stars would look pretty in Flanoir's sky.  
I slowly turn my gaze back to Lloyd, who was still reading the documents, mentally counting the Exspheres we had, too.  
He had changed in the last year.  
His voice had gotten a bit darker than before and his eyes seemed to have this constant burning, yet calm, fire in them.  
Frankly, he started to look a bit like his father, Kratos.  
Lloyd also moved different from before, much more elegant and sure of himself.  
I have to admit, that side of him was very attractive ..

Of course, I had already fallen for him while we had tried to save the worlds.  
Especially when he comforted and encouraged me to try once more to form a pact with Volt.  
I managed to form a pact with Volt, but at the cost of a dear friend's life ..

Lloyd

A slight tinkling sound makes me start and I turn to the source of the sound.  
Shihna was holding a hand to her throat, where she was wearing the golden bell tied with the scarlet silk string.  
She started wearing it shortly after reuniting the worlds, a memento for Corrine.  
Perhaps she was thinking of him again, feeling sad once more ..  
I want to take her into my arms and keep her there, until she's happy again, but ..  
I don't know if she'll let me ..  
Whenever I think of telling her how I feel or showing signs of affection, I have to think of  
how she had always seemed so annoyed, when Zelos did it.  
I don't know if it was just the way Zelos did it or if she generally didn't like the idea of being touched by a man.

Putting down the papers I had been reading, I lean back to get up, but stop when  
Shihna turns her head suddenly and looks at me.  
I positively can't move anymore.  
Her almond shaped, brown eyes had always captivated me. Several times I talked to her,  
I always tried to avoid looking into her eyes too often. And if I did, I probably said something really stupid then.  
She had no idea how much I had been struck when she first appeared in front of us,  
asking if the Chosen of Mana was there, wanting to kill her.  
Her pale skin, so much like alabaster, had been a great contrast to her ravenblack hair,  
yet her lips were a dark pink that almost looked red.  
And the urge to hold her when she was so frightened of facing Volt made me half crazy.

"What?" Shihna asks, inclining her head slightly to the side.

A faint pout on her lips, they looked so soft ..  
I shake my head slightly. I really shouldn't have these thoughts.  
Who knows what she might think of me?

"Ah, nothing." I quickly say and lean back towards the table, not sure what to do if I got up now.  
I turn my eyes to glance at her slightly.  
Is it me, or is she .. looking sad? Maybe it's just a trick of the bright light in the room, but her face looks flushed.

"I'll go out for a bit." she says and gets up, putting on her thick white coat with the fur on the trimmings.

I'm a bit worried.  
There might not be so much snow falling as before, but with Flanoir's weather you never know.  
Perhaps she knew my thoughts, but before closing the door she waves her fingers slightly, but without turning around.

Shihna

I just barely managed to escape ..  
His eyes looked slightly misty just now.  
I wonder what he was thinking? And, perhaps I had imagined it, but he looked flushed when he got out of his thoughts.  
But the way he smiled slightly when he said 'Nothing' seemed so ..  
I don't know how to say it, but at that moment, I just wanted to throw my arms around him, cuddled up  
to his warm chest and tell him how I had felt for almost three years now.  
But I know it's futile.  
He's in love with Collet, the former Chosen of Mana.  
They've known each other since childhood and knew everything about each other.  
And he's the kind of guy who is naturally attracted to perky, cute girls who need a strong protector on their side.  
I, on the other hand, am just looking for a strong shoulder to lean on.  
But I can't be like Collet, needing to be protected.  
I don't want to depend solely on a guy, I want to be able to show that I can do things on my own.

The little balcony outlook was covered with white snow, glittering like gems.  
Here, Lloyd and I had gone for a talk .. I told him how my parents had  
abandoned me in the Gaoracchia Forest and how the people of Mizuho never really accepted me,  
even less when the incident with Volt happened.  
But now .. I was the Chief of Mizuho.  
Orochi was taking over for me until I finished the Journey with Lloyd.  
.. What will happen then?  
Will he leave when we have all Exspheres and destroy them?  
Leave it all behind .. leave _me_ behind?

I quickly sit down on one of the many snow covered fences and bite my lip.  
I don't want to cry! It's a sign of weakness .. and I am _not_ weak!  
From the moment Volt attacked, until now, I never cried.  
Not when Lloyd had always placed Collet's life over everything, not when Corrine had died, nor when Zelos betrayed us.  
Not once ..  
Was it because I was too strong?  
Was that the reason why no one had ever smiled at me, put a hand on my shoulder and said 'It's going to be alright'?

* * *

Lloyd

Uneasily, I stack the papers nicely and put them back.  
I close the window after taking a long last look outside. The snow was falling thicker again.  
Shihna's been out for quite some time now .. and I can't help it but confess to myself that I'm worried.  
She might be a great fighter and summoner, but I know her past.  
We all know her past, but I'm the one she confided her origin from, how the refusal of acceptance from  
the people of Mizuho had hurt her.

I grab my jacket and am about to open the door, when it gets opened from the other side and I am eye to eye with Shihna.  
We both start, stop dead in our tracks and just stare at each other for a few seconds.  
Am I wrong or .. did she cry? Her eyes are slightly red around the edges and they seem to glisten more than usual.

".. Sorry .." she mutters quietly and moves out of the way, her head down and takes off her coat.

"I was starting to wonder where you were .." I say slowly, feeling the heat rising up to my face.

Even with her hair and the collar of her jacket covered with snowflakes,  
she's still beautiful.  
Her cheeks are pink from the cold - or perhaps from the sudden heat of the Inn - and her breath is still  
slightly fast.

"I was about to go out and look for you .." I stutter, the quiet making me feel uneasy.

"Ah .. well .. I'm back .." she mutters, hangs up her coat and stand still.

Shihna

I don't dare look at him.  
When we stared at each other when I came in I felt uneasy already.  
Maybe he had noticed how red my eyes were?  
I had stayed out longer than I wanted, hoping that the cold would cool down my swollen eyes.  
But I admit I feel a bit happy about the fact that he was starting to worry and would've  
started looking for me.  
That showed that I meant _some_thing to him, didn't it?  
Although, wouldn't it look weird if I just stood like a statue in the room now?

"Wanna eat?" he finally asks, stepping to the hooks next to me and hangs his jacket back up.

I can just tell from his voice that he was smiling,  
but he also sounded embarrassed, or rather, uneasy.  
I wonder why ..?

I nod slightly and we sit down at the table.  
I hadn't noticed that dinner had already been brought. It was still steaming,  
so it must've been brought mere minutes ago.  
The savory soup was already a meal in itself, but we still ended up eating everything up along with  
the bread and some of the currant wine.  
The latter was usual in Flanoir, because it was meant not to be drunk all at once, but just a little  
bit, as it kept you warm.

Dinner was done and taken away by the maids of the Flanoir Inns and Lloyd  
sat down at the side of the table closest to me.  
Of course, to discuss where else we might still have to look for Exspheres.  
Am I imagining it? His voice sounds a bit funny.  
Like he has to force himself to talk.

Doesn't he realize how I feel for him?  
I thought he would, when I had seemed so shocked at the saying that we'd be best friends.  
I thought it was obvious at that moment ..  
Or I'm just giving myself false hope ..

Lloyd

Oh dear, I can't think straight anymore.  
Shihna seems so depressed somehow and I don't know why ..  
Is it because she had to think of Corrine's death again?  
But she usually doesn't seem this down then ..  
I keep mixing up the places where we still have to look with the ones we definitely knew  
that there were no Exspheres.  
Of course, we might have to go to Regal's Company's Mine, but I know he said that  
he'd make sure the passages to the Exspheres were going to be destroyed.

I need to say something, but I think the more I talk, the worse I make it.  
Shihna's not even seeming to listen very well.  
She has her hands on her lap, the shoulders drawn up and her gaze is definitely on the wooden table surface.  
Maybe I should just ask Shihna what's wrong. Although a part of me is saying that  
it's actually best not to pester her about it.  
She's the type who tells you her trouble when she feels she can trust you with it.

"Um .. p-perhaps we should stop by at Iselia, or at Dirk's house." I say, trying to make my tongue say the  
words I want to, without stuttering. "Maybe-"

Shihna pushes the chair back with her feet and gets up.  
"I'm tired .. I'll go to bed .." she mumbles and goes towards the two beds.

"Sure .." I say, turning a small oil lamp on to the tiniest flame. "Good Night .."

"Night .."

Shihna

Why did I react like that, just because he mentioned Iselia?  
After turning off the big light, I took my shoes off and climbed into bed,  
Lloyd stayed at the table, a small lamp still on, probably pondering over the papers again.  
I overreacted ..  
Just because he said that we should stop by at Iselia doesn't mean he did it, so he could see Collet.  
I don't think Collet is there anymore.  
As far as I remember, she last thing she said was that after spending some time with her family,  
she'd go out and help rebuilding the destroyed cities.  
Maybe she was already done with that and returned?  
It wasn't that unlikely, seeing as how advanced Luin seemed - and even if,  
how would Lloyd have found out that she's back at home?

Lloyd

Having finally managed to get no more sense out of the papers,  
I left them on the table and went to bed myself and fell asleep almost instantly.  
But at some point during the night, I woke up again and at first I didn't know why.

The windows were rattling slightly, so the snowstorm must've hit Flanoir finally.  
I roll back onto my side, try to go back to sleep.  
But something was still keeping me awake, some kind of urge in the back of my head told me  
to stay awake.  
And I finally turn around to the other side and see Shihna.  
She's got her back to me and seems rather uncomfortable.  
Her hands are crossed over her chest and her fingers seem to dig themselves into her arms.

".. Shihna?" I finally say and use an arm to lift myself up.

She flinches, so she didn't know I had been awake.  
".. What?" she asks back, her voice seemed to be strained.

I can't quite say how I thought of it or that I really said it, but I did.  
Maybe the urge to get close to her was getting stronger, especially now in a cold, pretty city.  
"Mh, are you .. are you cold?"

"Of course not." she tells me after a bit, but she must be, since  
her shoulders are trembling, almost so hard that the bed was shaking along with her.

"Um, okay .." I finally say, feeling uneasy. My face gets hot and I rub the back of my head. "Because I thought that,  
if, you know, you are cold, you could come and sleep next to me in my bed."

Her trembling stops and her upperbody seems to start to turn towards me.  
But then she seems to change her mind and remains solidly with her back to me.

"Mh .."

With a beetred face, I can tell from the heat, I lie back down and close my eyes,  
but I know I can't fall asleep now.  
At least not, until I know that Shihna's fallen asleep, too.  
I don't know why, but I just feel like I should do that.

Shihna

I can tell from the light flooding the room that the curtains hadn't been drawn last night.  
Although my back is towards the window and my eyes are closed, my eyelids still look very red from the inside.  
One hand ready to shade my eyes, I slowly open my eyes and am just able to not scream out loud.  
Because the first thing I see with open eyes is Lloyd!  
He's asleep .. at least his eyes are closed and his breath is coming in a low and slow rhythm.  
Carefully, I turn my head and a bit of my body to know what happened.

I'm .. apparently, lying in Lloyd's bed, with him.  
And he's got his arms around me ..  
As much as I like the feeling, I'm still a bit shocked.  
He probably carried and put me into his bed after I finally fell asleep after tossing around from side to side,  
curling up to keep warm.  
And I am warm now.  
Now that I think about it, I do think I heard something like a 'Sorry' or so during the night.  
I had probably guessed that it was just in my dream ..  
I don't seem to have minded, since my arms are up against his chest and my head was close to them, too.

Slowly, and very carefully, I stretch my arms a bit and put them around Lloyd's neck,  
finally interlocking them and move a bit closer to him.  
I may as well enjoy it, now, when I'm conscious to it.  
.. I just hope he doesn't wake up now. That would be embarrassing.

Of course, a few seconds later, Lloyd stirs a bit and  
his eyes slowly open.  
Before he realizes that I'm awake, I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be still in the land of dreams.  
He flinches slightly, so he's probably surprised for a moment that I'm in the same bed as him.  
But he seems to find it okay, faster than me anyway, and remains where he is.  
I can hear a very loud and fast heartbeat.  
I can't quite tell if it's his or mine. Mine, for sure, I know that.  
But I wonder if his is beating so fast, too.  
Or if it's even beating fast for me, at all ..

* * *

Lloyd

Well, we're officially snowed inside the Inn for a while.  
The snow outside of the doors is about seventy cms high and no one is even going  
to bother to try to shovel it free.  
At least the snow had stopped completely for now.

I can't really believe I did that last night.  
But Shihna had tossed around so much, holding the blanket tight around her.  
She wasn't just cold, she was almost freezing when I finally decided  
that she was asleep for sure and took her to bed with me.  
At least she didn't wake up when I did.  
That would've been awkward.  
When I got over the first second of shock, I reminded myself of what I had done and  
slowly got up, intent on not waking her.  
I had succeeded.  
Although she was still going to notice that she was in a different bed.  
Or maybe not .. she's not really a morning person.

Right now, she was taking a shower in the bathroom from our room,  
while I was trying to control my feelings.  
I _could_ of course just spill the beans, but what if she really just saw me as a friend?  
Although she did seem sort of .. cold when she repeated my words of friendship ..  
Of course, maybe I was seeing this the wrong way.  
Maybe she did see me as a friend and was really in love with someone else?  
Perhaps Zelos? But then again, she mostly got angry at him.  
Especially when he was flirting with other women. Probably .. jealousy?  
They say that you only get jealous at someone if you love that person, so ..  
But what about .. yesterday ..?  
She had suddenly sounded, well, not angry or annoyed, but definitely stern when  
she went to bed.  
And I had just said Iselia .. maybe she thought I was thinking of seeing Collet?  
Then that would mean, if I was right, that .. didn't it?

The bathroom door opened and Shihna got out, still steaming slightly from the shower,  
drying off the side of her neck.

"Hey, Shihna, .." I start and get up with a start, the chair creaking from the sudden movement.

She looks over to me, her eyes widening slightly, I might've said her name a bit loud and startled her.  
But, I'll just finish to say what I want to say.  
.. although, it's not really that easy ..  
What if I confessed and she really had no romantic feelings for me?  
I'd ruin our friendship and the Journey from then on would be rather uneasy for both of us ..  
Perhaps .. just .. just take the jump into the cold water ..!

Shihna

Luckily, he didn't realize I was awake when he got up.  
I would've loved to have kept hold on him, tell him not to move and just enjoy the closeness,  
but that might've sounded weird ..  
At least the shower helped. It didn't really cool me off, but it gave me a good reason  
for the redness in my face.  
And then, just when I come out of the bath, he jumps up and looks like he really wants to tell me something.  
He looks almost radiant with eagerness.

Perhaps he _did_ notice that I was awake?  
Why would he make a big deal out of it?  
_Would_ he make a big deal out of it?  
I somehow want him to say what he wants to say apparently, on the other hand, I don't want him to  
say anything, in case it might be something that I didn't want to hear ..  
I'm almost scared, the longer he just stands there, quiet, his mouth slightly open, ready to form a word.  
Please, just say it or keep quiet!

"... I .. I love you .."

Lloyd

.. Did I just say it?  
I did, didn't I?  
Maybe I should've just shut up?  
I can't read her expression.  
A few seconds before I said those words, her head turned sideways and down,  
so her long hair was hiding most of her face.  
I can't believe I said that ..  
Did I shock her?  
Or annoy her?  
I don't dare to ask her opinion.  
If she remains quiet, I'll give up hope and accompany her back to her clan,  
so she can take over as the leader.

I know that she told the people of Mizuho that she wouldn't  
assume her post as Chief until after this Journey.  
If I hadn't asked her to accompany me, she could've ..  
Hang on, when I asked her, she seemed so happy about it.  
So .. perhaps .. or not?

Shihna

I think my heart is going to burst!  
Did .. he just say what I heard him say?  
If so, then .. we felt for each other the same .. but for how long?  
Does it really _matter_ if we've loved each other for three years now or a shorter time?  
Okay, he might've said that we'd be best friends that evening in this very city,  
but in Heimdall, shortly before he had to fight Kratos,  
he had _asked_ me, .. asked _me_ to accompany him on this Journey.  
Not Collet.  
And not Genius, who had been his best friend for years.  
But me!  
So, perhaps he had loved me at that time already?  
Then .. well .. I should just ..  
Boy, this isn't easy ..  
If I were as cute and feminine as Collet, it would probably be easier to say.

Clenching my fingers deep into the towel, I don't dare to look up and take a deep breath.  
"I .. w-well, I ... love you, .. too .."

I .. I said it!  
I said it!  
Finally, I got those words out of me. They're just little words, but they  
mean so much.  
They seem to float around in the air, getting heavier by the second.  
One more second of - perhaps surprised? - silence followed by another second of silence ..

And next thing I know, I find myself in Lloyd's arms again.  
But this time it's not a feeble and soft embrace that could break any second.  
It's warm and hard, yet soft somehow. Protective.  
My arms find their way easily around his back and I move myself close to him,  
wanting to feel like we're melting to one.  
My head on his shoulder, I close my eyes and just listen to our hearts beating,  
both fast like they had that morning in bed.

Lloyd

She loves me!  
I may be a year younger than she,  
but she loves me, just as much as I do her.  
I can't help but think for a moment what Zelos is going to say, when he hears this ..  
But I shouldn't be thinking of him now!  
I should just be thinking of me and Shihna, finally having confessed what we have felt.  
No matter how long, it just matters _that_ we love each other.

Day seemed to pass in a daze, even the high piled up snow in front of the Inn didn't seem important.  
The window was pulled open widely although some snow was drifting into the room  
and we climbed through the window onto the balcony and just talked, laughed  
and stared at the white snow.

Does it really matter how we ended up on the bed?  
Mere seconds ago, we were sharing a kiss, embracing each other,  
and now we're lying on the bed, the same bed that we woke up in this morning,  
still kissing.  
Maybe what I am doing is wrong ..  
I can't but think that while my tongue is playing a gentle exploration game with hers and my  
hand is about to untie the ribbon to remove her shirt.  
But she doesn't mind.  
She's enjoying this, I can feel it.  
Hear it. Taste it.  
It might be wrong, but for now, let's just forget everything around us and think only of us two.  
Her alabaster-like skin is glistening and I trace her bodyline along with my tongue.  
A small twitch from her .. whispered words .. her voice is trembling,  
from fright and arousal, I can tell ..  
Her ravenblack hair is spread about her like a fan.  
I push it aside and kiss her cheek, flushed and bright pink, her eyes misty and yet sparkling.  
Gently, I bite her ear and she likes it.  
Once more and my kisses move back down her neck again, accompanied by my tongue,  
so I can savor every bit of her.  
Her soft arms wrap themselves over my hot back, gently caressing my neck ..  
.. If I don't get stopped, I will defile her.  
Her eyes, her bodygesture, her voice and, most of all, her words are telling me to.  
That it's okay.  
It's what she wants.  
What _we_ want.

* * *

**Cat:** Muhahahaha, hope you all liked that!  
It's 3:30 am and I've been typing this thing for ... Four and a half hours!  
You'd better take this with gratitude!  
Sorta good that I stayed up until now, my brain turned itself off and that made it easier to  
write from Lloyd's point of you about the sex.  
Yeah, I'm not used to writing that stuff from the guy's point of you.  
If you find typos, blame the time it took!  
Brain turning self off, again .. Thanks for help, Sweety ..  
B.. brraaaaaiiiinnzzz!!


	2. What makes Shihna

**Cat:** Haha, I thought this would be just a One Shot,  
but then I decided - I'll just make it a row of One Shots about Shihloyd.  
Ok, I admit, this Title is from a chapter of Fullmoon o Sagashite.  
The chapter is supposed to explain how Shihna fell in love with Lloyd.  
So, it's a Shihna-centered one.  
Next one is going to be about Lloyd.

* * *

_Eternal Darkness surrounds me.  
No matter what I do, I can't get rid of it.  
When I close my eyes to sleep it's dark.  
When I open my eyes it's dark, too.  
And if I don't force myself to close my ears, I can hear the rumbling of thunder in the background.  
Cries of pain.  
Faces distorted into masks of pain - or death.  
Someone .. help me!_

And suddenly, a ray of light shines right in front of me.  
My arms away from my face, there is a figure in the light.  
She extends a hand towards me and I can't help but take the hand.  
It's warm .. strong and protective.  
The figure helps me get up and with every second continuing, I myself start to glow in that golden light.

I start in my bed and stare at the wooden ceiling.  
I'm lying on my back in my bed and I slowly sit up.  
Everyone else is asleep, as far as I can tell.  
Lloyd's in another room by himself, I wonder if he's awake.

Quietly I step out of bed and go to the window and look outside.  
It's even quieter outside.  
There's not even a breeze blowing.  
The moon is high, so it's about midnight.  
I can't have slept long, I just went to bed. But I feel wide awake.

A sound from the next room startles me.  
So Lloyd is awake.  
It's understandable.  
He found out that his father is really Kratos, the man who betrayed us.  
And now, in the morning, he will have to fight against him.  
That would keep anyone awake.  
Father against Son .. it's just wrong!  
I want to talk a bit with Lloyd, if he's awake, cheer him up if I can.  
He cheered me up ..

_A soft crunch of steps approaching me.  
And I know who it is.  
I hope it is him.  
And when I turn to him it really is Lloyd.  
He's smiling a bit embarrassed, not knowing what to say._

_"You heard what Tiga said." I say.  
It's not a question. It's a statement._

_"Ah .. But it wasn't your f-"_

_"Everyone says that!" I snap at him and clench my fists. "Everybody keeps telling me for twelve years,  
'It is not your fault, Shihna'; 'Nobody is judging you'; No one is blaming you, either'. I'm so sick of hearing it!  
I know what they say behind my back!"_

_He's startled of course.  
I don't know if it's about my sudden rage or about the fact that tears are trying to escape my eyes.  
I'm not the type who cries.  
Quickly I turn away from him again.  
It's really quiet now, maybe I chased him away?  
I do feel a bit bad about that .. he just came to cheer me up._

_"It's not your fault." he says with a determined voice.  
So he hasn't left.  
I'm happy to hear that he didn't give me up that easily. He's not really the type who does that._

_"How can you say that?" I ask back. "You weren't there, you don't .. you don't know how it was,  
the lightning crashing into the ground within an inch of me, the fear of your life ending the next second."_

_"I know it's not your fault." he just says.  
He's repeating himself.  
Like it's a mantra - so he can persuade himself that it is so._

_I can't help but smirk about that.  
I used to say the same thing to myself at night, when I was sick of crying into my pillow.  
I told myself 'It really is not my fault', of course I was lying to myself.  
But .. every other night when the_ _stares, the quiet mutters and disapproving voices were too much,  
I would embrace my pillow tightly and tell myself that it wasn't my fault.  
And it was enough for that night.  
And the night it happened again .._

_"It's not your fault, because Volt speaks a different language."  
His words and his voice tear me out of my thoughts.  
I look back at him, my lips parted and my eyes wide.  
"He speaks the ancient language and hardly anyone can understand that anymore." he explains, his hands  
in his pockets. "Perhaps there is a reason why Volt got furious."_

_"So, even if we go to Volt now and try to form a pact, the same thing will just happen again."  
Don't make me go through that again .. I almost want to say that, begging him._

_"No, it won't." he says. "Sensei studied the ancient language thoughroughly and will be able to understand what Volt says.  
We'll find out why he attacked the village those years ago - and make him form a pact with you."_

_".. But what if he won't and he'll attack you? I .." I look away, embarrassed. "I don't want to lose any of you .."_

_Lloyd smirks, a typical braggy, slightly naive grin.  
"That won't happen. Because we'll be able to subdue his attacks and defeat him.  
And we'd keep going until he agrees to form a pact."_

_He steps a bit closer and puts a hand on my shoulder.  
"Will you try again and face Volt?" he asks me with a gentle voice. "If you can't do it,  
we won't be able to save Collet. .. And you'd be continued to be frightened of Volt's shadow."_

_Can I do it again?  
Meet the Spirit that killed so many people of Mizuho, forced my grandfather into a coma  
and terrified me in my sleep for so many years?  
I know that if I can't Collet will continue to be in Rodyle's hands. And I will continue to be a coward.  
But I don't want to be a coward.  
I won't be a coward!_

I quickly wipe some strands of hair out of my face, clear my throat slightly and sigh.  
Then I lift my hand and knock slightly on the dark wooden door.

"Yes?" a voice says and I slowly open the door and enter carefully.

"Hey .. you're still up." I notice, very nervous all of a sudden.

He's sitting up in bed, leaning on his arms.  
He must've been lying down just recently.  
"I couldn't really fall asleep." he tries to explain.

"Want some company for a while?" I ask, seeing a chance. "Maybe go outside and get some fresh air."

"Alright." he says, smiles slightly and gets off the bed, following me outside.

Maybe I am going to be able to cheer him up.  
But I don't quite know how ..  
What do you say to someone, who was raised by a stranger  
and just found out that his parent was his enemy?

_We're running down the stairs, almost tripping several times.  
Just across the bridge and we're at the teleporter, but we jump back in time for a sharp treeroot to miss us.  
"What is that!?" Lloyd snaps. He's out of breath and in a hurry. ".. Are those more remains of the Eternal Tree?"_

_I look at the light wooden color and the little roots and branches are flowing in a non-existing breeze.  
"No doubt. Stand back, I know how to deal with this."_

_"What are you going to do?" he asks._

_"I'll shot the Mana Canon at it and when I say it, you run underneath."_

_".. You sure it's going to be okay?" he asks. "What about you?"_

_I don't really have time or the nerv to explain a lot to him,  
so I just nod vigorously.  
"No problem." I say and take a deep breath to concentrate, while Lloyd steps back a bit. ".. Ice's descipile  
.. God's Hammer .. Earth's Servant .. Abyss' Onvoid .."  
While I summon them, the four Spirits appear._

_"I ask for thy power to my use for now."  
Each of them gives me some mana which I can almost hold firmly in my hands.  
It shoots like a beam at the tree roots and as they twitch and squirm I nod to Lloyd.  
He quickly runs underneath and I throw the rest of the mana against the roots, a loud crumbling echoes  
through the high room and dust takes it's time to settle down._

_"Shihna!" Lloyd calls from the other side. "You okay?"_

_I cough slightly and finally the dust settles down all the way.  
"Yeah .. that thing sure was strong, I had to use some of my own Mana .." I sigh. "I just need a-"_

_I gasp for breath as something grabs itself around my ankle and pulls me down the hole where the bridge used to be.  
Just in time, my instincts tell me to grab a loose vine and I hold on for dear life._

_"Shihna!"_

_"Ah, i .. it's okay .." I stutter the shock still in my bones._

_"Hang on, I'll-" he says and stops when he hears me laughing. "W-why are you laughing?!"_

_"Ah, I just thought of when we met .." I remember and can't help but grin. "I seem to have this tendence to fall down holes .."_

_"As funny that may be, we have to get you out of danger so we can get Collet ..!"_

_Somehow the mention of Collet's name makes me feel angry and yet sad.  
Even if he's helping someone else, his mind is with Collet.  
Well, it can't be helped .. those two have known each other for so long ..  
The thought reduces me almost to tears .._

_"Just go!" I say, keeping my voice to sound strong. "I'll find a way out on my own! You know me - just like when we met.  
I won't miss the Mainevent."_

_"Don't act strong now!" he says and he's seen right through me. "I'll help you-"_

_"I'm not acting!" I snap and smirk again. "Go on, I can help myself! I'm a big girl!"_

_He finally seems to realize that he has to go, or that I can help myself, so he finally gets up.  
"I'm counting on you, Shihna." he says with such an earnest voice I can't believe it. "So, don't let me down .."_

_He leaves and I sigh.  
I should really stop acting tough all the time,  
be a bit more feminine ..  
Let the hero save me ..  
Hehe, but that just wouldn't be me, right?_

_My hand slips on the vine and, knowing that I won't be able to get the treeroot away from my ankle  
and climb back up, I finally let go with a sigh.  
Good Luck, Lloyd .. you'll make it._

_I can't help but smile as I close myself and this darkness seems fine with me somehow ..  
And then I feel a hand grabbing my arm._

".. Are you nervous?" I finally ask, getting myself out of my thoughts again.

"Eh?"

"About fighting .. you know, the battle against Kratos."

"Mh .. I little, I guess."

"Really? Of course you'd be .. doesn't it bother you, that you have to .. fight your father?"

Lloyd stays quiet for a bit and looks upwards while we walk down the side of the river.  
"Not really .. The fact that he's my father hasn't really grasped me yet. Sure, he helped me a lot  
in the past - but he also betrayed us and put us through a lot of trouble. So .. seems that  
seeing him as my father is harding than the prospect of fighting him."

"Hmm .." I play with my hands behind my back a bit. "I can't help but be a bit envious."

"How so?"

"Remember? I told you that I was abandoned by my parents in the Gaoracchia Forest ..  
so I don't know who my parents are."

"Mh .."

"And, so, I started to think .. What if my parent was my enemy and yet came whenever I was in trouble.  
I'd just be confused."

"Yeah .. that's pretty much how I feel now." he laughs slightly.

"So, I thought, what if I had to fight my parent? And the thought was just .. I got really scared."

"Eh?" he looks and me and really laughs now. "You don't have to fight Kratos, I do. You don't have to  
get worked up about it so much!"

I smile a bit. "I know, I know .. but it just drove me crazy to be in such a situation. So, I thought  
you'd probably feel the same way."

Lloyd stayed quiet for a bit and sat down on the bench, facing the water.  
"Thanks, Shihna. You're right. Talking with you made me feel better now."

I blush a little around the cheeks and quickly laugh embarrassed, sitting down next to him.  
"Ah, i-it was nothing! Glad I could help!" I stutter and we're both quiet for a long while.  
It's still so quiet here, I feel like time stopped completely.

".. What are you planning on doing afterwards?" I ask our of curiosity.

"Mh .. I think I'll go and collect every Exsphere. They can't just be left around everywhere."

My heart jumps at the mention of a new journey he's planning.  
He hasn't said anything, but, maybe if I ask him .. Maybe I could follow him.  
Help him.

"That's a great idea." I say and scratch the slightly stoney ground underneath my feet a bit.  
"Can .. um, Can I come with you?"

Lloyd looks up in surprise and turns to me.  
"Y-you don't want to go back to Mizuho?"

I stay quiet.  
Does that mean that he wants me to go back to Mizuho, because I have to?  
Or that he doesn't want me with him on the journey ..?

"I mean, you're the next Chief and all, would it be okay to go on another journey?"  
He leans slightly foward towards me and I back off a little.

The heat rises up into my face, which I turn away a bit and look at the floor.  
"W-well, I .. I want to be with you." I finally say it out loud, although it was barely a whisper.

"Uh .. s- .." he stutters and leans back again from surprise of my words. "Sure .. I-I want to be with you, too."

My whole body makes a jump upwards, I get up and look at him,  
smiling widely.  
"Really? You're serious? So, we're going to get all the Exspheres in the worlds, together?"

"Yeah."

"It's a promise then!" I smirk a bit. "If you break it, I will make you swallow a thousand needles,  
as it is tradition in Mizuho for a liar."

His eyes widen surprised and he laughs.  
"No need to do that, I won't break my promise. We'll go on a journey together."

We both go slowly back to the Inn, Lloyd saying that now he'll be able to sleep.  
And maybe, just maybe,  
while we're on this journey,  
I'll be able to tell him how I feel about him.  
Perhaps it's even mutual?

**Cat: **.. Sadly, it did not really become what I wanted it to be.  
But this is the third version I started and it worked out best. The others were in Flanoir with the Night,  
pure coincidence, and the flashbacks were different.  
But I prefer this version.  
Mh, two-thirty. This one two me only, like, one and a half hours.  
Maybe that's why .. I'll spellcheck tomorrow.  
Good night!  
And I'm sorry, Sweetheart.


	3. Lloyd's Case

**Cat:** And another One Shot, this time from Lloyd's point of View.  
And the title is, again, from Fullmoon o Sagashite.  
Tanemura does nice titles.  
And I'm still mad at FF for screwing up my lines always ..

Song fitting to this - or rather inspiration - Leann Rimes "How Do I Live Without You"

* * *

When I first saw her, I was stunned for a moment.  
Shihna had fair skin which made a great contrast to her ravenblack hair.  
Her thin waist was accentuated by the big pink ribbon, holding the lilac jacket together.  
Long, thin legs in black pants.  
But she mostly had strong charisma. She was a woman who wasn't a pushover.  
She had a mind of her own.

And that was the most attractive part about her.  
Proud like a godess.  
That is something I noticed right away.  
When we saw her in Luin.

_"What are you doing here?" Genius, the young half-elven boy, shouts._

_Shihna was cowering at the broken fountain, one hand on her stomach, the other one  
__clenching itself into the sandy ground._

_"You guys .." she coughs, her face smeared with dirt, blood and sweat. "I .. can't fight anymore .. go on .. and kill me!"_

_"What happened?" Collet, the Chosen of Mana, asks in her usual friendly matter._

_".. This is nothing!" the ravenhaired woman snaps with a sudden strength and stumbles up to her feet._

_Lloyd steps forwards and grabs Shihna's arms to steady her. "Please, tell us what happened."_

_Shihna stares at him for a while and finally sighs._

_"Fine .. The Desians from the northern Ranch attacked .. some of Luin's people were hiding .." she slips,  
but Lloyd tightens his grip and finally motioned her to sit on the part of the fountain's basin that wasn't destroyed._

_Shihna nods in a slight thanks._

_"They were hiding some escapees from the Ranch. Don't know how the Desians found out .." she takes a deep breath,  
__looking at the corpses lying around. "Whoever wasn't killed was taken to the Ranch."_

_"Horrible .." Collet mutters, her eyes growing misty. "Sensei, please, heal her!"  
She turns to Raine, a silver haired woman, who knew the healing arts._

_"Are you sure? This might all be a plot to attack you - maybe she has companions hiding at this very moment."_

_The ravenhaired woman looks up at her and sneers._

_"You're just as mean as you look."_

_"Sensei, I beg of you, too." Lloyd says. "Heal her. She already lost enough blood."_

_Raine sighs. "Very well. I must say, you two are just too good-hearted for this world."_

_She kneels down and mutters a few words, holding her staff over Shihna._

_Green light surrounds the ravenhaired one and heals her wounds, cleans her skin and even fixes her clothes,  
__which were torn in some places._

_Shihna gets up, amazed how well the spell worked, and looks at them._

_"Thanks .."_

_"It's okay. It was a pleasure." Collet smiled. She then turns to Raine, looking worried. "Sensei, could we go  
__and rescue the prisoners from the Ranch?"_

_"Well, Collet .. you're the Chosen and we go after your word. If you want to rescue them, we will."_

_Lloyd looks at Shihna, his eyes as determined as ever._

_"You're coming with us, aren't you? We'll need your agility and strength - any help we can get."_

_Shihna looks up at him in surprise and suddenly, a flush rises into her cheeks and her eyes start to burn._

_"D-don't think I'm going to forget my mission after what happened here!" she snaps at him, getting up  
__and disappeared in a poof of smoke._

Yes, she might've sounded rude.  
But she was thankful that we had healed her.  
And she did join us, when she found out that Exspheres were made at the cost of human lifes.

Hm, Shihna still has those feminine sides on her she's not aware of.  
Sometimes I think she's even as gentle as angels ..

_"I .. I can't!" Shihna shouts her voice trembling and runs out of the house._

_Tiga, the vice-chief of Shihna's village Mizuho, sighs._

_"I feared that she might react like this .." he says and turns to the unknowing faces. "You see .._

_Twelve years ago, Shihna tried to form a pact with Volt, but failed. Volt became furious_

_and attacked our village. Since then our chief Igaguri has been in a coma."_

_Everyone is solemn about that notice and remains silent for a while._

_Lloyd finally gets up and leaves the main house, searching for Shihna._

_To his surprise, someone follows him.  
Zelos, the Chosen of Mana from Tethe'alla._

_"You're looking for her, right?" he asks and Lloyd nods in agreement. "Please, watch out what you say .._

_That incident was known all over Tethe'alla. A quarter of Mizuho's village got destroyed and just as many  
__people were killed. It's a .. rather delicate subject."_

_Lloyd nods again and searches for Shihna, finally finding her in a corner of Mizuho,  
__patting Corrine, a fake summonspirit._

_She doesn't look up or even move when he approaches her._

_".. you know now, right?"_

_"Yeah .."_

_The ravenhaired woman bit her lips. And the bit of her eyes Lloyd was able to see were looking wetter  
__by the minute._

_"I .. I can't form a pact with Volt .." she finally whispers. "I just can't .."_

_Lloyd sits down next to her and keeps quiet for a moment._

_"Why not try?"__I .. I'm not like you .."_

"I can't!" she snaps at him, turning onto her knees and hands. "I can't! I admit, I'm too terrified to face him!

_"Eh?"_

"You face your fears and you always keep going. Nothing will keep you down."

_Lloyd smiles about that compliment and leans a bit forward to put his hand onto hers._

_"I don't want to force you to face him. We don't want to. We all want you to get the courage  
__it takes, to step over your shadow."_

_She looks at him in surprise._

_"Everyone? Even Zelos?"_

_Lloyd nods. "Yes. And I'm sure Collet wants you to do your best, too."_

_Shihna's cheek flush slightly and she nods, getting up. "I'll face him!"_

I sit up with a start.  
Why didn't I realize it earlier?  
Of course .. she loves Zelos.  
I mean .. I know she loved him.

When he betrayed us, she sounded so hurt. Much more than we all were.  
And she didn't use all of her strength, when he attacked us.  
And .. she's been .. mourning ever since we got back from the Tower of Salvation.  
Grieving over Zelos' death.

I take a deep breath and step outside the inn.  
The sky is almost pitchblack, the stars tiny dots in it and the moon barely visible because of the clouds.  
I shouldn't really worry about Shihna or Zelos right now.  
Kratos, who betrayed us time and time again was my real father, and now .. I had to fight him in a few hours.  
I didn't have the time to worry about my comrade's lovelife or lack of.

The stones underneath my feet crunch under the weight a bit and the walk, the fresh cold nightair clear  
my lungs and my head.  
I have to concentrate on Kratos.  
.. But that just gives me just as many questions, too.

Why did he betray us? Why didn't he tell us .. tell me how to cure Collet's sickness?  
Why .. hadn't he told me that he was my father?  
The fact that he is my father hasn't really sunken into me yet, either ..

_"Hehe," Lloyd stands up straight, holding his two swords at waist level. "how was that?__"I'm not sure if more training would bear any fruits."_

Kratos, who was opposite of him and wielding only one sword, remained calm.

_"Eh? Why not?" Lloyd asks, not knowing what the elder one meant._

_"Because you use two swords - that strays from the original swordsmanpath of wielding one sword."_

_Lloyd leans his head on one side._

_"But .. if one swords carries the power of 100, then two swords would carry the power of 200, right?"_

_Kratos' eyes widen at Lloyd's reply._

_"Is that why you are wielding two swords?"_

"Well, yeah .."

_The mercenary sighs._

_Lloyd frowns and pouts. Kratos was always like that. He never seems to say what is on his mind._

_"What?" the brunette asks fiercly._

_The auburnhaired one side-glanced at him._

_"It doesn't matter how strong the blade, if you cannot wield it properly it is useless."_

_Lloyd flinches and sheaths his swords. "You're right .."_

_Kratos seems to realize that he has obviously hurt Lloyd's feelings._

_He steps to him and puts a hand onto his shoulder._

_"Lloyd," he says in his usual deep voice. "I'm not saying that you are weak - quite the contrary,  
__you have obviously practiced alot the art of fighting with two swords. But I am not sure, if I can  
__teach you anything new because of our different arts of fighting."_

_The teenager looks at the mercenary and smirks. "Thanks. But this is helping me a lot.  
It keeps my mind off of things .."_

_".. Like how the Chosen has lost her abilites that make her human and her voice?" Kratos asks and sees how Lloyd nods._

Now that I look at it in retrospect, it's true.  
Sensei once told me 'whenever Kratos talked to you, there seemed to be something gentle and caring in his voice'.  
She was right - and now we know why.  
Maybe I should ..

I stop when I hear a small sound.

It's almost inaudible, but I can tell it's close by.

And a few steps later I realize what.

Shihna was heavily leaning, almost as if she was looking for support, against the banister that surrounded the bench  
to the river, a hand over her mouth.  
Crying.  
The unconquerable, strong, determined Shihna was crying her heart out,  
still trying to surpress her voice to not disturb anyone.

I .. want to go and comfort her, but I know that she went here to be alone.

"Lloyd?"

I stop, almost fully turned to go away.

She called me. Her voice is muffled and choked up, still slightly trembling.

She's doing her best to hide it.

But .. we both know I saw her.

I slowly turn back to her.

"Hey .." because, what else could I say?

I slowly take some steps towards her and lean against the banister, too, looking up.

We are both quiet for a long time, not knowing what to say.

Because .. what do you say, when you see the woman, whom you have strong feelings for,  
in the middle of the night in a hiding place, crying over the person she had loved and lost.  
That person not being you?

".. the .. stars are pretty." she stutters slightly.

"Mh .. you can see them better than in Flanoir."

"Yeah. The prettiest view - when you can see Venus, is in Meltokyo-" her voice chokes up at the last word.

Zelos had lived in Meltokyo.

She bites her lips, tenses her whole body, surpressing her tears.  
But some still spill out of the corner of her eyes, flowing down her alabaster skinned cheek.  
"S-sorry .." she stutters, still trying to not cry again.

_"Hey, Lloyd." Shihna greets him after he opens the door._

_Lloyd smiles a bit and lets her in. "Something the matter?"_

"Mh, not really." she says, looking around the room a bit. "I just thought you might want some company."

_"I see." Lloyd says and sits down on the bed, motioning to her to sit down._

_She does so and leans back, starring at the wooden ceiling._

_The teenager's eyes wander over to her, hover over her feet neatly tucked together, her long legs_

_obscurred by the black pants._

_Her hips, her slender waist and big breasts fitting together perfectly with the thin jacket._

_"Say .."_

_Lloyd quickly forced his eyes back forwards, scolding himself for starring at her._

_"Zelos .. seems kind of weird."_

_".. What do you mean?" Lloyd asks, not really wanting to talk about the Tethe'allan Chosen at that moment._

_"He's .. distant. And so .. serious all of a sudden." Shihna says and looks at Lloyd, a flush in her cheeks. "What do y-"_

_She stops, watching Lloyd intently._

_He was leaning forward, an elbow resting on his knee, his head resting in his palm._

And he kept looking at her, not taking his eyes off her face, like he was studying every line of it.

_".. L-Lloyd?"_

_His eyes still on her, he just goes "Mh?"._

An almost identical situation now.

I just couldn't stop myself, seeing her so hurt.  
My body just moved itself, my arms wrapped themselves around her, holding her tight to me.  
Feeling the warmth of her body against mine, her heatbeat in my ears.  
My face is close to her hair and I can smell a mixture of her shampoo - lemon - and the scent that  
just makes her her.

"L-Lloyd?" she keeps muttering with different levels of surprise, anger and embarrassement. "L-let go!"

"No .."

I won't let her go anymore.

I'm sick of hiding the feelings I've had for her for some time now,  
surpressed by my not noticing them right away.  
And jealousy towards Zelos, who might be dead, but still seemed to have a tight grip around her heart.  
It's both eating me up inside.

Ignoring her continued struggles - one time softer, another time more determined - I cup her  
face in one hand and press my lips softly against hers.

She's surprised.

Most naturally - or she doesn't mind.

All I know is, that I strengthen the kiss.

A stinging sensation made me loosen by grip and the next second,  
the kiss breaks off and my cheek burns with her slap.

"What the .. what were you thinking!?" she snaps at me.

I caress my cheek where she hit me a bit and lick the blood off my lips where she bit me.

"Sorry .." is all I can say.

"Sorry? That's it!?"

Her sudden anger strengthens me as well and I grip her by the shoulders,  
holding her tight.  
I am not going to let go until she hears me out.

"Shihna, I'm sorry for what I did" I say, everything suddenly bursting out of me. "but I will not apologize for my feelings for you!"

She's stunned by my sudden movement and my words.  
All she is able to do is look at me with her wide, almond shaped eyes, listening.

"I love you!"

I put my arms around her again, holding her tight, this time resting my head on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, if I'm pushing you, but .. I .. I am not Zelos. I know I am not! But .. at least .. give me a chance to help you forget him .."

She doesn't say anything.  
She's not struggling. But she's also not putting her arms around me, either.  
Just stands there, mostly supported by my grip, hearing my words although I stopped talking.

".. L .. let go .." is all she finally mutters.

Knowing when I lost, I let go of her and she slowly turns towards the Inn again.

"Sorry .." I mutter, but she doesn't react, wether or not she heard me.

I feel .. empty.  
I had at least expected to feel .. to feel _something_ when I tell her.

Happy, if she requited it.  
Relieved about telling her at all.  
Or depressed, if I got dumped .. like I was now.

But I don't .. feel anything.

Maybe I knew this was going to happen.

Knowing that I was going to get dumped and mentally preparing myself for it, so that when it finally did happen,  
I wouldn't feel depressed.

But this is worse.  
Much much worse!

* * *

**Cat:** Yes, a rather .. short one.  
And sort of .. not-Shihloyd.  
Ehehe, this chapter was supposed to be about why Lloyd fell in love with Shihna,  
but after listening to the above mentioned song, I thought of making a chapter  
where Shihna grievs over Zelos' death - and yes, Shihlos - and Lloyd .. well, the way he is in here.


	4. Shihna's Answer?

**Cat:** And, how one of the reviewers said - and what I had thought of doing - is making this  
chapter the second part of the last chapter.  
So .. these are probably the only two chapters directly together.  
Btw, sorry if certain scenes don't feel right.  
I'm just not used to writing Shihna Zelos.

* * *

Slowly, I sink down onto the bed in the room.  
What had just happened?  
I don't seem to grasp it right.

Lloyd .. loves me.

Since .. when did he think of me like that?  
Did I, subconsciously, give any hint that I loved him like a partner?  
Yes, he was .. helpful when he came to cheer me because of Volt, but ..  
I was so happy when he said that even Zelos didn't want to force me - he wanted to wait  
until I was able to overcome the shadow myself.

With a sigh, I let myself fall back onto the bed, the springs squeaking underneath my weight.  
I .. actually had never thought of anything of this possibility.  
Falling in love with someone.  
Somehow, the thought of Zelos had always upset me, yes, .. but it also calmed me down.  
That I wasn't invisible for him.

_"Shiiihnaa!" a cheerful, deep voice calls.  
The ravenhaired woman stops, her heart making a slight jump.  
But she turned her head around, a disapproving glint in her face.  
"What is it .. Zelos?"  
"Shihna-chan, no need to be like that." the man with the long red locks grinned. "We're partners, everyone knows that."  
"H-.. why should I be partners with you? In what?" she snapped at him, fully turning around now.  
Zelos makes a 'tut tut' sound, wagging his finger.  
"You're my Hunny. It's widely known."  
".. I am not your hunny!"  
Zelos laughs and Shihna hopes that the slight flush that was rising in her face was because of anger.  
"You may say what you want to say - but it's destiny of all the women to become my hunnies."  
Now, the flush was increasing, this time really because of anger.  
Zelos was always like that - ignorant of women's feelings and joking when it's mostly inappropriate.  
"And most of all, my greastes possession will be you." Zelos makes a wavey motion at his next words,  
not noticing how Shihna's eyes grew wide surprise. "I mean, there aren't many hunnies who have such a well formed,  
__perfectly curvey body like yours."  
The ravenhaired's fists clench.  
Zelos just didn't know how selfconscious she was of her figure.  
"You nasty old pervert!" she snaps and slaps her gloved hand across his face and storms off the next second._

Until his .. he always made comments about my figure.  
And, even though I didn't feel comfortable with people staring at me or commenting,  
when he said something it was .. bareable. Not just bareable .. it made me feel good.  
Like it was absolutely okay to be the way I am.  
Not that I had thought it was wrong ..

Actually, I had.  
For so many years in Mizuho.  
I always hid in the same place when the stares, sneers and mumbles became too much.

_"And once more you search for safety."  
Shihna flinches at the voice and turns around, biting her lip and trying to look like always.  
".. It's you." she mutters when she sees Zelos, hoping that he couldn't tell that she was about to cry.  
Zelos kneels down next to her.  
"You're not really the person I want to see now." Shihna says, looking away again.  
"Shihna-chan," Zelos says in an unnaturally serious voice. "why not just be honest?"  
He puts his arm around her, holding her close.  
"W-what do you mean?" she asks, hiding her blush.  
"It's getting too much for you." he says. "They stare and talk behind your back .."  
Shihna stays quiet about, but knows that Zelos is right.  
He puts his hand underneath her chin and making her look at him.  
His eyes are deep, very different from the usual light blue that looked hollow, and not one line  
of his face shows any sign of making fun of her.  
"I want you to know .." he says in a low whisper. "I'm here for you. Whenever you can't take it,  
come to me and I'll be there for you. No matter what time or day. Okay, Shihna?"  
Shihna stares at him, surprised of this serious side of his.  
"Z- .. zelos?" she finally stutters, starting to feel uncomfortable with the quietness.  
Zelos starts slightly, apparently ripped out of his thoughts and a faint blush lies over his cheeks.  
"Mhhh.." he goes, trying to get to kiss her.  
"Idiot!" Shihna snaps at him, slapping him away. Her heart racing and her face red. "To think that I believed you for a second!"_

He had made me so angry.  
He sounded really nice and I really thought for a moment,  
that he was serious and that I could trust him.  
And then that Idiot tries to kiss me!  
Always making fun of me!  
Although .. maybe .. just maybe .. what if he _was_ serious?  
Maybe Zelos was just shy ..

Hang on .. Zelos? Shy?  
That can't be!  
He always flirted with every girl he saw. He even took a go at Collet.  
Little Collet who didn't know what he might mean.

* * *

Thinking of Collet made me think of Lloyd again.  
I always thought he loved _her_.  
He was so devastated at the Last Seal when she lost her Heart and Memories.  
And he almost chastised us to hurry with finding a Keycrest in Sybak.  
But .. didn't he .. cool down a bit?  
After we saved Collet from Rodyle's floating Island, we were so busy making pacts with the Elemental Spirits.  
I became more important - I was the Summoner.

But, I mean, that wouldn't be a reason for Lloyd to ..  
My finger touches my lips - they feel hot.  
That was actually my first Kiss ..

_"I love you!"_

_Lloyd held Shihna tighter to himself._

_"I'm sorry, if I'm pushing you, but .. I .. I am not Zelos. I know I am not! But .. at least .. give me a chance to help you forget him .."_

He really startled me ..  
I didn't really give him an answer, either.  
What must he think of me?

From somewhere, I hear a door slam, but I don't care.  
I have to concentrate on how I feel.  
Do I love Lloyd?  
Or not?  
I want to give him an answer - it's the least I can do and should do - but I don't want to be indecisive.  
I want to give him a clear answer.  
But I can't really give him that.  
I should tell him that I'm not angry at him.  
I mean, he can't help how he feels.

"Lloyd?" I say in a slightly quiet voice, not wanting to wake up any of the others.  
We're the only inhabitants of the Inn this night anyway.  
Aside from Raine and Genius, they were allowed into the elven village now, but not to use the facilities.  
They're staying in Altamira for tonight. Regal gave them passes for a free night in the suites.

Still no answer. I knock once more and then slowly open the door, peeking inside.  
Maybe he went to bed and fell asleep.  
He did need sleep after all.  
"Lloyd?" I ask again, not knowing if he'll answer or not.

* * *

I just passed the second Waterfall.  
This forest is huge! How am I supposed to find Origin's Stoneslab?

Lloyd wasn't in his bed.  
It was nicely done, but slightly warm, so he must've just left it.  
And a hunch told me, that he probably went to Kratos to fight him now.  
To clear his head probably.  
To forget.

Am I running in circles?  
I'm at the Waterfall again!  
Stopping to take a short look around, I choose the left path this time.  
I hope I'm right.  
And that I won't see anything horrible ..  
I don't want to see another friend's corpse!

_The force blows the redhead against the wall of the altar and he lays still,  
sliding down slowly. A faint smirk on his lips.  
They all rush to him.  
"Zelos!" Lloyd says, kneeling down to his friend. His swords abandoned a few feet away.  
Zelos' smirk is still there.  
"You guys are really strong .." he says, his voice raspy with exhaustion. "I'm glad I was able to fight with you."  
"Don't talk like that .." Genius, the preteen half-elf, mutters.  
Shihna is kneeling down to Zelos' other side, a hand on his shoulder.  
"It was fun. The fighting, the adventure .." Zelos puts a hand onto his chest, blood slowly dripping out.  
"Quiet, you Philanderer!" Shihna snaps at him, her voice choked up.  
"Hey, Shihna .." Zelos lifts his head a bit, leaning it against the wall and smiles. "Sorry for the stuff I said that made you angry."  
"I won't forgive you!" she yells at him. "Once you're feeling better, I'm going to slap you senseless!"  
Zelos chuckles a bit.  
Lloyd was quiet for a while. "You did that on purpose, didn't you? You didn't block the last blow at all!"  
"Heh .. You found me out .."  
"Why did you do that?!" the brunette teenager yells.  
".. My life .. is a mistake. I'm not supposed to be alive at all .." Zelos mutters with a faint breath.  
His eyes glaze over a bit, starting to look misty. "It's okay this way. Now .. Seles will be .. let out of the Abbey .."  
"Is that why you did it?!" Shihna's voice almost goes to a hysterically high level. "For such a shallow reason-"  
"Eheh .. No. It's just an extra .."  
Zelos lifts a hand, mutters something and points upwards.  
A green glowing circle appears a few feet above them.  
"That's .. the same as before .." Presea says, noticing the similiarity.  
"It'll take you to Collet .."  
"Zelos .."  
The redhead smirks. "You know me. No Tricks - No False Bottom."  
His body tenses and he coughs up a bit of blood, trickling down his chin.  
".. Remember to destroy .. my .. C-rystal .." he coughs and his body lays limp around.  
"Zelos ..?"  
Shihna grabs his shoulders and shakes him. "Say something! Be your usual perverted Self!"  
Everyone is silent, knowing that it is useless now.  
"Tell me that my hips are broad .. that I have a wavey body .. anything .." the woman whispers quieter and quieter.  
Finally she breaks down in tears, clinging to the corpse of Zelos._

I hear a metallic sound and run, following my ears.  
And I suddenly have to stop in my tracks, because something just rushed by and knocked into a tree.

"I told you, I won't fight you now." a deep voice says and I turn around.  
Kratos is standing there, one hand on the sheath of his sword, the item itself in his other hand.  
Lloyd was starting to get up on wobbly knees, gripping his swords.  
His face is a mess with several cuts and bruises.  
He charges at Kratos again, who parries it easily.

Lloyd gasps when Kratos puts a foot onto his chest to keep him from rising again.  
"I won't fight you now." the older one says. "Come back when you got your feelings under control."  
He takes his foot off and leaves, ignoring Lloyd who was clenching his teeth and got up with such force  
that you wouldn't imagine him to have.

* * *

Our steps make crunching noises in the forest, but we ourselves are quiet.  
I want to say something, but I don't know how to start.  
'I really like you, but as a friend'?  
But I'm not even sure if my feelings are for a friend or not.

"Hm .. Lloyd .." I start, hoping that now that my tongue was moving, I'd know what to say.  
He doesn't react, just staring onto the ground before us and clenching his fists.  
".. About um .. before .."

"Leave me alone."

The sudden coldness in his voice makes me literally freeze in midair while he keeps on walking.  
I should really leave him alone.  
Kratos just showed that he could easily beat Lloyd without any trouble  
and I wasn't exactly helping his selfesteem.  
But I can't just stand in the forest for the rest of the night.  
Slowly I start walking again, a distance of a few feet between us now.  
He should feel okay with it ..

No idea how long we've been walking through this forest.  
I'm not really looking at the path, neither is Lloyd probably.  
Maybe we're running in circles.  
Hoping to see something that looks familiar, something that might lead to the exit,  
I lift my head and catch a slight movement ahead of me.  
I stop.  
Lloyd is looking at me.  
And I can't help it but get red in my face, the heat rising in my body.

"Lloyd .. about before .." I start again, thinking that maybe he'll listen to me this time.

He stays quiet, not moving, but still looking at me.  
"Um .. w-well, you .. you startled me .. and .." I stutter.  
The more I stutter, the worse it's going to get. I know it. Soon, I'll say something stupid.  
"And .. well .. Sorry that I, you know, ran away .. Thing is, Lloyd, I-"

"It's okay."

"Eh?" I look up at him.  
He's still standing where he was before, but he's smiling.  
Sort of sad, though. Like he's defeated.

"I know when I lost." he says, thrusting his hands into his pockets, the smile not vanishing. "You love Zelos.  
I'm just the Idiot from a village that doesn't get it forever and when he confesses, he gets dumped."

"N-no, not like that, Lloyd." I say. "I didn't dump you! .. but I didn't answer, either .. I just ran .."

Lloyd still smiles and turns around, starting to walk again.  
"I know you don't love me." he nods into a direction. "Come on, here's the exit."

"No, you Idiot, listen, I really _do_ like you!!" I yell suddenly.  
He stops and I can't read his expression.

That was the stupid thing I knew I was going to blurt out.  
But, apparently, it wasn't stupid to say it.

* * *

**Cat: **There must be something wrong with me that I like Music that Collet sung.  
Or it's just me being a Musicaddict.  
Now, the next chapter is EITHER gonna be about Ratatosk no Kishi Flanoir Scene - a bit stuff before or after, too.  
(For you Americans - It's "Dawn of the new World" .. Geez!)  
OR  
A One Shot where Shihna takes care of Lloyd while he's sick.  
I'd like to do that .. like .. wipe down his chest with a cool washcloth to lower his fever .. feel his muscles ..  
I need a cold shower.  
Btw, which one will be the next YOU decide. Tell me in the Review which one you want.


	5. Heart Chaos 1

**Cat:** I'm sorry, I'm having trouble with the Fever OS,  
so, I'll first give you one, that might _shock_ you guys, if you know me.  
It has _Colloyd_ in it!  
And it might even go to M Rating between them!  
Who knows!  
The timeline would be four years after the Game ends.

* * *

The sun was shining brightly and there was hardly a cloud in the azure sky.

A lot of people were outside on this day, but the street carnival of Meltokyo

wasn't as packed as one might've thought.

Couples, families, singles and friends, you could see every kind of group

walking through the streets, stopping at this and that stand to eat, to try themselves

on one of the games or just to talk with the people behind the counters.

One specific couple was slowly walking through the passages, looking this and that way,

wondering where to go first.

The man was in his first years of twenty, had chocolate brown hair and eyes the same color,

wearing a white clinging t-shirt that he had unbuttoned slightly and black pants with fitting shoes.

The girl clinging to his arm was about the same age as he was, perhaps a bit younger,

her long blonde hair swept up into a ponytail, which revealed the thin line of a necklace

with a red pendant. She was wearing a pastell yellow sundress with spaghetti straps,

several orange flowers printed on it, a white bolero jacket over it, though, since at this time

of the year there was still a cold breeze now and then.

"Lloyd, look!" the girl let go of his arm and did a few fast steps to a stand that had different sorts

of flowers and bouquets in front of it.

Lloyd caught up and saw her bending down to a bucket full of purple hibiskus flowers.

"Ah, Miss, you have a great eye for beauty. These hibiskus flowers are my bestsellers for the

past three years." the guy behind the counter said, fanning himself with a paper fan. "How about it?  
5 for 50 Gald, 10 only for 80! Your boyfriend could get them for you."

Both looked up slightly startled.

Yes, they had been dating for almost three years now,

but they were still not used to being seen and spoken to as a couple.

The girl laughed slightly embarrassed, then her eye caught something new and she dashed off for it.

This time, she was just walking through the streets a bit, looking at the food stands,

others had little wooden sculptures on them and again others were selling soap with different aromas and shapes.

"Collet."

The girl stopped and turned around, the first thing to see being a purple hibiskus.

Lloyd held it towards her, a very faint blush on his cheeks.

Collet took it, slightly surprised, and then smiled widely.

"Thank you, Lloyd."

The boy flinched a bit, looking away, and he took her hand, starting to walk again.

They passed the stands, stopping here and there.

But time passed on and they got onto Lloyd's rheaird, Collet sitting behind him, holding tight to his waist,

flying towards the north-west.

The little village of Iselia had been burned down a few years ago, but with the help

of the Lezareno Company and enthusiastic workers, the houses had been built up again,

the streets were cleaned and now mixed with stone to smooth the walking.

In front of one of the houses, the couple was standing, kissing.

The porch of the house was only lit by a small insect-lamp, so it was easy to see where you were going,

but dark enough to not feel watched.

The kiss broke off, but their faces stayed close together, looking into each others eyes.

"It was great today." Collet said, smiling.

"Ah. It was fun." Lloyd agreed and kissed her on the cheek again before letting go.

He watched her go into her house, turning around a last time to wave, and the door closed with a click,

a metallic sliding sound confirmed that she had locked the door, too.

Knowing her safe, he turned and took a few steps down the stairs leading up to the porch and unfolded

his green-blue wings, lifting himself up into the air.

Lloyd

The breeze wipped around my body, cooling my face a bit.

Night was not quite there yet, the sky a navy blue color covered with tiny lights that were stars.

With a deep breath I flew towards the west.

I wonder what is wrong with me.  
Lately, I date Collet because .. I have to.

We're a couple after all.

I wonder what she might think if we weren't going on dates.

I'm sure there are couples like that, but .. I don't think I want to be like one of them with her.

My house that I share with Dirk, my adoptive-father, was standing there in the dark, absolutely quiet.

So Dirk had probably gone to bed early.

I checked my watch and noticed that it wasn't very late.

Maybe he had been doing a large order and got tired.

With a sudden turn of thoughts, I had taken my wings back out and flew back to Meltokyo.

The stands were empty, closed down for the night. Only two more days and then they would be

completely built off.

My steps led me to a side street and down some stairs to a heavy wooden door with a glass pan in the middle.

I've been coming here a few times already, but I never really stayed long.

I sit down at the bar and wait for my drink to arrive.

My gaze is straying through the bar, checking the people a bit.

Some elder men I've seen everytime I've been here up to now, some younger people,

male and female.

"Lloyd, my man!" someone calls and slaps me on the back.

* * *

Zelos sat down at the stool next to Lloyd and grinned, leaning his arm and head on the counter.

He had still the white wide pants he liked to wear on the Journey, but traded his long salmon vest

for a short black one.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

".. Thinking." was all Lloyd answered and took a sip of his drink, the icecubes clinking against the glass.

"Oh? What about?" Zelos wondered, ordered his drink and then gasped. "You're thinking about your Collet-chan!"

Lloyd didn't reply, but Zelos laughed when Lloyd's face flushed a pinkish color.

Zelos took a drink of his glass and then leaned his arms on the counter.

"So? How's it going with the Missus?"

"We're not married, you know." Lloyd answered, avoiding the real question.

"Ahaha, I know that. But, seriously, why are you here in a bar instead of your girlfriend's bed?"

Lloyd turned his head towards the slightly older man and glared.

Zelos thought that without sex there was no real relationship between man and woman.

Which had gotten him into a lot of pain four years ago.

But now he was in a relationship with Shihna, the one who had hurt him the most during the Journey.

"Not everything revolves around sex, you know." the younger one told him in a sharp voice,

probably for the twentieth time during their acquaintance.

Zelos wagged his finger at Lloyd while drinking.

"No, no, Lloyd-kun, it is a big part of a relationship. It is critical to the point of realizing

if things work out between two people or not."

"You can be happy with a person, even without becoming intimate."

"Ah, Collet still hasn't put out, hm?" Zelos grinned and put his arm around Lloyd's shoulders. "Don't worry.

The Lovemeister Zelos Wilder will give you tips on how to get the girl horizontal."

Lloyd sighed deeply when Zelos started talking.

Tips and tricks, putting this or that into her drink or food, any kind of idea you might have

to get the girl horizontal, Zelos was telling it to Lloyd.

"What if you don't want to trick her into it?" Lloyd asked, looking at Zelos for the first time since

Zelos' tips started. "What if you want to wait until she's ready?"

Zelos sighed deeply at his friend's words.

Lloyd was always a little naive. He didn't even realize until Zelos had confessed to betraying him.

But Lloyd was older know, so, Zelos had thought that, naturally, Lloyd had gotten a bit more brain in his head.

"Hmmm, if you start talking like that, you must be desperate."

Lloyd almost choked on his drink and stared in disbelief at his friend.

He couldn't help but keep a certain blush off his face, but quickly shook his head furiously.

"You're talking nonesense, Zelos."

"Then there's trouble in the relationship?" the former Chosen asked and smirked. "You know that

from our group I have the most experience in the department with women. I can tell if there's

trouble in a relationship or not."

Lloyd ignored him, finished his drink and paid, getting up with no hurry.

"See you sometime again, Zelos." he said and left the bar, a stingy breeze greeting him outside.  
A short flight later, he was back at Dirk's house and he went quietly to bed,

although he was unable to sleep.

He lay in bed, his thoughts racing around what Zelos had said.

Did he really want to get intimate with Collet soon? He wasn't sure. On one side,

she was the clutzy girl he'd known from childhood on. The one he had always protected from

stray dogs or tripped over nothing. He had felt good in her presence for so long.

Her smile had lifted his spirits

no matter how down he felt, she never cried herself but kept going. That impressed him.

On the other hand, he did have to confess to himself that Collet was growing into a beautiful young woman.

She still had some clutziness in her, but she seemed more serious about some things lately.

And her eyes had gotten a slight glint in them, that made her look stunning.

* * *

The room was elaborately decorated with cream colored drapings, golden chains

and pink flowers on tables and in the corners, the light coming from free hanging lamps,

giving everything a glittery look.

It was Seles' birthday party and Zelos had invited all his dear friends, presenting with

a great sign of pride the strawberry cream cake he had baked himself for his little sister.

The latter was dressed in a pale blue silk dress that was of simple design, a pale blue

cloth tied underneath her neck to keep her hair out of her face.

Her brother on the other hand wore a black tux with his hair tied into a ponytail,

having point blanked refused to cut it, even on several requests made by Shihna.

Shihna and Seles, the Summoner wearing a long black dress that had a slit on the left side,

held up by an off the shoulder top, were fighting at the moment.

"It doesn't matter if he asked you to go steady with him first, you seduced him, you banshee!" the redhead

snapped at the blackhaired woman.

"Maybe if you had gotten out of that Abbey earlier, you would've had more common sense. I never

did any such thing, it's his google eyes that couldn't stay away from anything that was female!"

Everyone was watching with a slight amusement, Zelos had to finally step in and get them apart

from each other, or there might have been at least on death at the party.  
The host finally brought in a punch that he called the Zelos Special Love Love Potion,

they weren't sure if they should try it, but decided to taste it even if it was just to humor his feelings.

"I'm not sure if those two are done with each other yet." Genius sighed, who had shot up a bit in the

last few years, looking quite good in a navy blue suit, the jacket hanging over one arm.

"They will have to get along with one another anyhow." his sister said, taking a sip of the Love Love Potion  
Zelos had made, looking positively stunning in a short red cocktail dress.

Genius looked at her with big eyes. "What are you saying?"

Raine remained quiet.  
Collet, in a cream dress with a two layered skirt, smiled widely.

"I think she means that Zelos might ask Shihna to marry him soon."

Lloyd choked on his drink at the sound of those words, Collet quickly patting him on the back.

He tried to calm back down, wondering if the dizziness came from what he had just heard  
or from the drink.

"Zelos - positively going after only one woman?" he wondered to himself. "I'm sorry, no,

I can't really see that happening."

Collet frowned slightly.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, he just doesn't seem like the type for it." he answered. "But I'm probably

still seeing him as the philanderer from the Journey."

"Yaaa, Lloyd-kun, my friend, I have changed!" Zelos appeared next to him suddenly, patting

him rather hard on the shoulder. "Besides, I'll kindly ask you to not say anything about how

I was on the Journey to my cute Sister."

Lloyd nodded, trying to not spill anything on his white suit which was a bit too big for him, but

fell in slight folds that made him look good in it.

The music changed and Zelos, after a questioning glance to Lloyd, asked Collet for a dance and

the two disappeared into the middle of the room.

Other couples or pairs joined, Seles surprising everyone by dancing a round with Regal,

while Lloyd decided to stay behind for the first round.

He wasn't very good at dancing and didn't really feel like proving it to anyone.

He finished his glass and felt even dizzier than before - maybe it was Zelos' Special Drink

that didn't do him well.

Deciding that fresh air would do him good he walked outside onto the balcony.

Night was dark and he had been so used to the brightness of the inside, that he couldn't

quite recognize anything yet.

Leaning against the banister with her head hanging low was Shihna.

"Feeling sick, too?" Lloyd asked carefully, standing next to her.

She looked over to him and smiled a bit. "Kind of. I don't know what he puts into it.

I think it's different every time."

"He makes that drink more often?"

"Once every two weeks he locks himself into the kitchen and produces it." Shihna sighed,

letting her head hang low again. "And every time he can persuade me to taste it."

Lloyd stayed quiet, observing her a bit.

She had put on some silver dangling earrings with little stones in it, perhaps moonstones

or or white Jade. He wouldn't put it against Zelos to have gotten her diamonds.

The earrings were more easily noticable since her hair had been put up in big wavey curls

to one side, emphasising her long neck and slim shoulders.

Her lips were painted wine red, a great contrast to her white skin, making her look all the more

beautiful.

"Mh?"

Lloyd jumped out of his thoughts.

Shihna was looking at him with a questioning look.

"W-what?"

She sighed lightly. "I was asking how you and Collet were doing." When Lloyd looked at her with

big eyes, she added "Zelos cannot keep his mouth shut about everyone's life. He told me everything."

"A-ah, I see .." he muttered. Somehow he didn't want to talk with her about his relationship.

It felt so weird. Even weirder than it had done with Zelos.

What he wanted most was to speak with his father, but that was impossible.

"You miss him, don't you?"

"Eh? Kratos?" Lloyd started, leaning against the banister with his arms, too. ".. yeah. I can't really say

that, if he were to appear again, I'd be able to call him 'Dad' without hesitation. It still seems unreal to me."

"Well, of course it can't be that easy." Shihna smiled a bit, leaning her head on her hands. "You were apart

for fifteen years of your life. You only knew him as your father when you were a child - and most of that you forget."

Lloyd agreed with her, still feeling woozy.

The music inside had changed to something slower, the individual notes long and deep or chaning from high to low.

It only made him feel worse.

He sighed deeply, his face in his hands.

"I, actually, I don't know what's wrong with us." he said, brushing his hair with his hands. "She's sweet

and cheerful and happy - and I'm just this big grump who can't feel happy with her."

"You're not a grump."

"Mh, thanks .." his eyes were getting tired, it was getting late. "I just feel like I'm the reason nothing's

working out anymore. You know .. Zelos having told you everything."

Shihna blushed a bit, looking away embarrassed.

"Well, I guess better than being the one giving too much." she whispered, a hand over her mouth,

her eyes closed, looking an unhealthy sheet of white than before. "I mean .. I thought that ..

I thought that I could change him, if I were to understand his reasons."

He side-glanced at her, blushing himself. He could imagine what she meant with that.

Both were quiet for a while, the slow music continuing.

"But it somehow doesn't seem to work." she finally continued, still looking pale. "I know I shouldn't

get angry at him for looking at other women. If he were to completely stop with that, I would feel weird.

Somehow I have this feeling that, even if he were to ask me to marry him-"

"You think .. you think he's going to?" Lloyd asked, not being able to explain to himself why he was stuttering.

The thought of Zelos asking Shihna, kneeling, for her hand in marriage was ..

"He keeps hinting at it. He wants me to stay here longer, he seems a bit jumpy ..

I think that if he would ask me, I'd accept. I'd continue to try and change him, to not look

at everything female with his azure google eyes."

".. and if he doesn't?" he asked, his heart beating faster and faster, he felt woozier

than before, but not from the drink.

"I'd continue to try." she said fast, looking at the stoney banister between her hands.

With a start, Lloyd turned to her.

"Maybe he's just not the right one." he said suddenly, his voice low and calm,

while his whole body was excited, feeling sick and happy at the same time.

He didn't know what made him say it.

And he didn't care. At that time.

All he knew was that Shihna was looking up at him in surprise, with her almond shaped,

chestnut brown eyes, discreetely mascaraed, making them stunning.

Lloyd put his arms around her, holding her tight to him,

feeling the warmth of her body against his.

He felt like she was built to be in his arms, to fit perfectly in them,

looking like she belonged.

"L-Lloyd ..?" her gentle, deep voice whispered in surprise, no resistance

coming when he cupped her face in one hand, lifting it up slightly so he could see her.

Her wine red lips slightly parted, blending in with the blush that had crept up her cheeks.

She started to close her eyes as his lips drew nearer, not stopping him,

nor anything to keep the situation from escalating.

Their lips met, a soft touch on each other, enjoying the momentarily connection

of their bodies.

She tried to break it off, but he wouldn't let her go, kissing her firmer again,

tracing her lips gently with his tongue, tasting her.

He carefully licked her lips and when he asked silently for access, she let him.

* * *

**Cat:** Not quite where I wanted to stop, but don't worry, this is not the end!  
This is probably a duology, maybe a triology if I can get that much out of it.  
Btw, if Shihna seemed more beautiful to you than before, that was because I wrote  
this at 4 am - yeah I stayed up really late ..  
And when I imagined her that way .. I'm so happy. This is getting close to  
the writing style of chapter one again.


	6. Heart Chaos 2

**Cat:** And I'll try to finish Heart Chaos, before I forget some of the things  
I wanted to add.  
Somehow, I think of Naraku no Hana when thinking of this Chapter.

* * *

The sunlight fell through a small gap between the curtains, shining onto

the occupied bed.

Lloyd shielded his eyes, opening them slowly, getting accostumed to the brightness.

He felt weird.

Empty, yet filled. Happy, yet deeply depressed.

His head felt woozy and he sighed, trying to remember what happened.

He had kissed Shihna.

And not just kissed her.

At Zelos' house. At his little sister's birthday party.

Zelos' Girlfriend.

How could he?!

He sat up fast in bed and slapped himself. This was a different kind of betrayal

between friends than the one Zelos had done.

But .. Lloyd couldn't help thinking how good it felt to kiss her.

Instinctively, he licked his lips.

He could still taste her.

A sweet taste. A bitter aftertaste of disgust. Angry at himself.

With a quick jump, he got out of bed.

He had to get rid of any more thoughts of Shihna and what he had done.

Lloyd closed the bathroom door and started to undress, heading underneath the shower.

The water was at first cold, but it woke him up, brought some feeling into his skin.

He let the water drip down his body, still deep in thoughts.

He hadn't forced her. Yes, he wouldn't let her go at first,

but his arms had relaxed.

And when he licked her lips, she didn't mind. She let him continue. And go further.

His hand reached for the hot water and turn it with a hard twist. Steam

rose from the shower, the water burning his skin.

Somehow he couldn't remember when they stopped.

They stood there, on the dark and cool balcony, embracing, kissing each other with

a certain amount of passion.

No feeling for time anymore. Just enjoying the moment.

And then .. there was a burst of cheering from inside and they broke off.

Shihna had looked uncertain towards the inside, then freed herself from his arms

and went back inside, her eyes on the floor, but not running.

What had he done? He had stayed outside a bit longer .. and then he went back

inside again, too.

The rest of the evening was a blur for him. At some point, Collet had caught him

and asked if they should leave. They did, Lloyd bringing her home first, then

returning to his house himself.

* * *

Maybe,

if he had a chance to talk to her, he'd be able to explain what had happened.

But in fact, he couldn't. His body and mind had split themselves, the latter not

stopping his body from embracing her, kissing her, wanting her.

He should talk with her first .. then Zelos.

Or not, he wasn't sure.

Do you speak with your best friend, after you just kissed his girlfriend with tongue-involvement?

Maybe tell him later.

With a quick step, he dressed again and left the house, heading for Mizuho.

The village had evolved in the past year and was bigger, yet still safely hidden inside the Gaorrachia Forest.

He went to the Mainhouse and, after taking off his boots and gaining entrance, went to sit inside,

talking with Igaguri.

"Shihna? She left a while ago. She should be back in the evening." the old man told him,

after he had asked about Shihna's whereabouts.

Thanking him, he left again, making a mental note to go back in the evening.

He was about to spread his wings to fly off again, when he saw her coming from the left.

".. Shihna." he said, slightly surprised at her appearance.

She stopped in her tracks and looked at him with wide eyes. Before he could say anything or

move another muscle, she disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Could it be, that she was .. embarrassed of what had happened?

Or felt ashamed .. he couldn't help but wonder if she told Zelos already.

Maybe she did.

Considering her reaction to him just now, maybe she didn't.

She must really feel bad about it.

Why had he kissed her!?

* * *

Lloyd had tried to wait for Shihna in front of Mizuho, but she didn't appear again.

So when dusk had come, he decided to go home and to bed.

Perhaps he would wake up and find out that Seles' birthday party hadn't taken place yet.

A heavy rain started to fall in the night, drumming against the roof with a howling wind.

Busy with sharpening his swords, Lloyd didn't hear the door right away,

but when a loud knock came he opened it.

Collet was standing there, wind-swept, carrying a big transparent umbrella in her hand.

"Collet? What're you doing here? Come in." Lloyd said, slightly surprised and stepped aside.

"No, it's okay." she waved one hand. "Usually we do something today - but not because

of the weather, it's horrible. I wanted to ask if you'd like to come over for Dinner?"

Lloyd frowned a bit, not having expected to get an invitation to dinner from her when

her feet got hit by several raindrops at a time.

"S-sure."

"Great! Come by around seven, okay?" she smiled widely and then waved again, running

rather easily against the wind and rain back home.

Slowly, Lloyd closed the door again, sighing.

He had felt .. calm around her.

Usually, when he saw her, his heart made a little jump. But now, it just jumped

because of the sudden thunder striking a tree nearby.

Had his mind and heart already decided that he wanted Shihna, and not Collet?

But he wasn't even really sure what he wanted.

He wanted to talk to Shihna - to apologize at least.

The trip to Collet's home was slightly more difficult than usually, the wind kept

changing it's direction, throwing him slightly off-course.

Her cooking had improved a lot - she didn't put fruit into every dish she made,

balancing the spices very well.

Lloyd helped her with the dishes, when the window in front of him got opened

by a strong gust of wind and splashed so much water onto him, that he felt

like someone poured a bucket over him.

"I'm sorry, Lloyd!" Collet gasped and leaned over to lean against the window. "I mustn't have

closed it right."

"It's okay - you can't help nature's doing." he muttered, wiping some water out of his eyes.

"You're going to catch a cold .." she muttered, worried. "Take a shower."

It was an order, not a request, so Collet showed him to the bathroom, handing him

a long sleeved shirt and some pants from her father to put on afterwards.

While under the shower, Lloyd's thoughts were running in a merry-go-round fashion again.

He shook his head, getting any thoughts concerning Shihna away.

They turned to the current situation.

One thing he had noticed when she led him to this room was, that it was unnaturally

quiet in the house, aside from the drumming of the rain and howling of the wind.

Even over dinner, nobody had called for Collet or any of that sorts.

Stepping out of the shower and dressing, he noticed that the shirt was a bit too big for him,

but it was better than nothing.

Rubbing his hair dry, he opened the bathroom door and stepped out.

"Collet?"

"Yes?" she called from somewhere.

"Where are your father and Phaidra?" he asked, trying to find her by the sound of her voice.

She didn't answer right away.

Looking in the kitchen, the living room and the guestroom, he finally found her in her own room.

"Collet ...."

She got up from her bed where she had sat. The apron and vest she had already taken off,

now wearing nothing but the thin blouse and skirt from before.

The room was dark except for a small flower-shaped lamp at the bedside.

He could see the faint blush on her cheeks.

".. did you plan this?" Lloyd finally asked after realizing what was happening.

Or what was about to happen.

"No." she shook her head slightly, her long blonde hair swaying with the motion. "Grandmother

and Father left last evening for Haima. They were supposed to come back by now,

but with the weather being as it is .. I knew we wouldn't do anything, either, so I ..

I thought that having dinner together would be a good start .. for a memorable evening."

She put her arms around his torso, leaning her head against his chest.

Feeling each other's boydwarmth.

Carefully, Lloyd put an arm around her.

"I .." Collet breathed, hiding her red face in the folds of his shirt. "I didn't plan this .. it's just that I

saw an opportunity .. I-I mean .. if you want to .... I'd be ready."

Her sweet voice, trembling with fear made him feel feverish,

her body against his felt warm, fogging his mind.

He bowed down slightly and kissed her.

* * *

The bedsprings squeaked lightly under their weight when they lay on it,

not letting the kiss get disturbed.

He caressed her cheek with his hands, feeling how hot it was from her blushing,

her blonde hair spread like a fan around her.

She leaned back, the kiss breaking off. Her cheeks shown brightly pink in the

little light source.

"I .."

"Shh .." Lloyd calmed her down, kissing her lips again, feeling their softness, asking for entrance.

His hand moved down to her neck, to her shoulder and slowly started to unbutton her blouse.

"Lloyd .."

Her voice trembled with excitement and fright at the same time.

Slowly, his tongue traced the side of her neck, tasting her, kissing it, leaving marks behind.

His head spun, he felt like he was being torn apart, yet put together. He thought

of all the years he had spent with Collet.

* * *

_"Lloyd?" Collet asked carefully, then smiled. "Wish me a happy birthday?"_

_Collet looked at him in horror when he was kneeling next to Kratos' unconscious body.  
"You're still yourself, Lloyd, don't forget that!"_

_".. we'll be leaving around noon tomorrow." she turned before heading inside, smiling sadly. "Goodbye."_

_Collet struggled, trying to get through the angels' strong arms.  
"Lloyd, help me!"_

_Her eyes grew wide at the realistic wood-cut of a puppy and she jumped into his arms.  
"Thank you, Lloyd! I'll treasure it forever!"_

_"Lloyd? Are you listening?"_

_"Lloyd .. M-hm, it's okay."_

_"Lloyd! Lloyd! Help!"_

_".. Lloyd .."_

_

* * *

_

With a gasp, Lloyd sat up, his eyes wide with shock.

"Lloyd?" Collet asked breathlessly, her blouse almost off.

He ran a shivering hand through his hair, gasping for breath. His eyes still felt unfocused,

but he could still see perfectly well.

She sat up, reaching out to touch his face. "What's wrong?"

He pushed her hand away, carefully yet with a determined force, and got up.

"Sorry .. can't .." he mumbled and left the room, and finally the house, with hurried steps.

The stormy rain and wind had settled down, now being a calm, steady pour of drops.

His wet clothes in hand, he spread his wings and quickly took off to his home.

* * *

"Lloyd-kun?"

The young man stopped, short walk away from his house, and turned around.

Zelos, in a long yellow poncho-raincoat, stepped to him.

"What are you doing in the rain here?"

Lloyd looked at him in surprise. "Zelos .."

"What?"

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair again, which was obscurring his sight slightly.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask Dirk for .. whatever, let's go inside first, huh?"

They got into the dry and warm place, sitting at the big table, both holding cups of steaming coffee.

* * *

_"It's really hot." she giggled, holding her hands around the mug to warm her hands._

_"It's actually ice coffee, I asked Genius to use Icicle to cool it."_

_She looked at him in surprise and then giggled again. "A-ah, what was I saying? I meant-"_

_"You can stop lying." he looked at her with a sad, yet angered expression. "You can't feel anything."_

_

* * *

_

Zelos looked him squarely in the face.

"W-what?" he muttered.

"You're off in your own world .. I said," Zelos repeated. "you don't look happy after entering paradise."

Lloyd blushed slightly.

Zelos grinned lazily. "You're talking with the man with the most experience with women of our group.

I recognize these things. Besides, there's lipstick all over your face."

The younger one took a wet towel to wash it off his face, rethinking what had happened just minutes ago.

It felt unreal - and wrong.

".. we didn't do it."

"What?" Zelos gasped. "Why not?"

"I just couldn't. We were close, but then I just remembered all the things that happened on the Journey.

And I saw her as she was then - fresh sixteen and clumsy as hell."

The redhead ruffled his hair, sighing.

"But she changed - she's a woman now."

"I just can't." Lloyd responded exhausted. "She'll always be the little girl who hates Green Peppers

and trips thrice a day to me."

Zelos studied his opposite for a bit. "There a reason for your behavior? Someone else, maybe?"

Lloyd flinched, his eyes fixated on the table top.

Did Zelos know?

Or suspect anything?

Maybe Shihna told him.

And now he wanted to know from Lloyd why he frenched his girlfriend.

Probable soon bride-to-be.

Zelos' hand slapped the table surface and Lloyd almost jumped out of his chair.

"Ah, whatever it may be, you'll get over it soon - Sleep on it. Then you'll be able to enjoy Women." he grinned

and got up, waving lazily before putting the yellow poncho back on and leave.

Lloyd sighed relieved, leaning back with the chair.

Maybe he'll follow Zelos' advice and would know what to do the next day.

* * *

Morning came too fast for his tastes,

but Lloyd got up and dressed, taking a big breath before stepping outside.

The weather had cleared up and had erased all his insecurity away.

He felt his senses stronger than before and took his wings out, flying towards Mizuho again.

He waited outside the entrance, thinking that perhaps he'd be lucky and Shihna would just return from a mission.

An hour went by and nothing happened.

Maybe he should go inside and check if she was at home.

Or she was at Zelos'.

About to leave, a rustle of leaves startled him and he saw Shihna coming.

She hadn't seen him yet and kept walking home, stopping for a moment when she saw him in waiting.

Shihna sighed silently and kept walking, straight past him.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Talk."

"What about?"

He put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from running away.

"Not here." he said, meaning the bustle from the village.

The Summoner looked at him for a moment and nodded, meaning for him to follow her.

They walked a bit away from the village, into a light part of the forest, yet still hidden.

"So?" Shihna asked, having her back still turned to him. "Must be important if you stalk me in front of my village."

Lloyd sighed. "I just wanted to get you to talk to me after running away from me yesterday."

"I wasn't running .." she snapped, her voice catching slightly.

He stepped closer to her. "We .. I need to talk about what happened at Seles' Birthday Party."

"Oh" Shihna ran a hand through her hair and turned around halfway. "whatever. I completely forgot about that."

Gripping her arm, he pulled her closer, holding her to himself.

"I didn't forget it for a second .." he whispered close to her ear, telling by her sudden stiffness how

his voice was giving her goosebumps. "What happened was-"

"If we're both honest about it .." her voice lost a lot of the coldness from before, leaning slightly against him,

her arms still stiff on her sides. "If we're honest .. if we hadn't drunk Zelos' stupid drink .. it wouldn't have happened."

Was that what was bothering her?

Hearing that it only happened because they were feeling ill from Zelos' Potion?

A mere Spur of the Moment Thing?

Noticing how she started to back away from him, he held her closer.

"I don't think so." he said determinded. "Maybe it was bound to happen. Tell us that we should be-"

".. You and Collet are .." she muttered, beginning to relax, but not moving otherwise than lean her head against his shoulder.

Lloyd chuckled slightly. "Yeah .. if we had realized it before .. we would've had more to experience with each other. Have more time."

Shihna blushed a bit at his words. "So .... we'll ..?"

"Talk with them, I guess. We really should."

She finally relaxed and put her arms around his neck, leaning against him.

Feeling good in his arms.

* * *

**Cat:** Ahahahaha, did I get you with the Colloyd!?  
Ahaha-Man I almost fell asleep at the last part. Maybe I shouldn't type these at 2 am.  
Then again, if my brain starts turning off while writing I can do lovescenes better.  
Sorry for this taking so long. My internet completely died for about a week  
and then I had Writer's Block with all my things - I still do actually.  
I'll go back to work on The Fever One, I promise.


	7. Interlude

**Cat:** I'm sorry, I just can't try a Fever One Shot.  
I don't know why, my fingers won't type what's in my head.

So here you have one that might end up surprising you.  
Btw yes I'm depressed - I cried at the end of Zettai Kareshii although I knew how it ended.  
God I hate my monthly bleeding - it makes me into a teary fountaine statue.

* * *

The moon is high, but the night is still dark.

Spending the night in a forest isn't a good place, actually.

But we can't help it - Lloyd has to meet his father here and fight him.

I wonder how he's feeling ..?

He was quiet ever since we entered the forest, wanting to be alone.

He even left the campfire a while ago ..

And she followed.

I understand.

They're .. almost inseperable; ever since she spent the night talking with him in Flanoir ..

I guess that settled it, tied their future together.

They wouldn't have to spend time seperated again. They'd walk along their path .. together.

Looking up at the sky I feel like calming down. I'm .. just not used to the thought yet.

Up to now, Lloyd and I have been getting along so well.

Yes, the two of them know each other for .. but, as they say, Love doesn't need time.

As obvious as it was that they became so close .. it was a shock to me.

Not because I didn't notice anything - I think I just never quite admitted it to myself.

The leaves nearby rustled and the two of them came closer, talking with each other.

I couldn't quite understand it, but I think she was encouraging him for the upcoming fight.

I used to do that.

Encourage him. Support him. And he did the same for me.

Lloyd looks .. happy, almost. He looked ready for anything that might happen tomorrow.

And within a mere heartbeat, she had leaned up a bit and kissed him lightly.

On the cheek.

I believe I hate her ..

I never knew feelings like jealousy or hatred before she stole him from me.

Curse the day Shihna was sent out to kill me - she would never have found ..

.. her second half.

* * *

**Cat:** Yyyyyyyeah .. REALLY short. But a little something.  
I hope I surprised you with the end?  
Btw, I really need some suggestions for the Fever OS.  
Got any ideas or things you might like to see/read in the Chapter?  
Pls write it in your review.


End file.
